Primary Blues

This post is a plea for help. Remember when I posted how great Dustin was doing in primary? How he just transitioned without a hitch and everything was great and cute? Yeah, that was for 3 weeks. Week 4 was a total and complete meltdown, and it's been that way ever since. Now it's wailing and screaming that he doesn't like Primary and that he's not going to church and that he wants to go back to nursery. Here are a list of reasons that Dustin has given me as to why he doesn't want to go to Primary.

"Dere aren't any no toys"
"We don't even get any snacks"
"It's toooo long"
"I can't sit into dat chair for such a long time"
"I'm bored of dis"
"I can't even play with any friends"
"I'M NOT GOING!"
"I. DON'T. LIKE. CHURCH!"

I don't even know what to tell him! I feel like he's got some valid reasons. It's not reasonable to expect a 3-year-old to sit still and pay attention for 3 hours...is it? Is mine the only kid who can't handle Primary? I've gone and sat in Primary with him and I understand why he gets bored! Popcorn Popping is not enough to get Dustin wiggles out! I'm totally out of ideas. And me forcing him to go, just makes him resent me, and hate it even more! PLEASE HELP!

I'm Starting to Feel Like a Human Again...

This was our little trip to the coast and Dustin's first kite flying experience. It was a great day. and the first pic is our little tiny baby. I just thought I should document the good stuff too!

Ok, so having 3 kids has left me almost no time to blog, (or shower, put on makeup, cook, or do pretty much anything that doesn't involve caring for kids!) but, my zombie-like behavior is down to merely laying on the couch all afternoon. And I still haven't gotten enough sleep to do very much cooking. But at least I'm not frothing at the mouth and mumbling incoherently. Well, we still have the foster baby (as you might have guessed). We are only on this list for short-term placement, but it's becoming obvious that this little guy is not going to be short term. So we are trying to decide what will be best for our family. If we keep him, there is a chance that he will be adoptable. There also is a chance that he will not, and we will raise him and be very attached to him, and then have to give him to another family.

I don't know what to do. I feel like it could go either way. I had a really spiritual experience when we first got Audrey, and I knew she was meant to be with us. But I haven't felt that same thing so far. There's moments when I'm sure he's meant to be with us, and other times, I feel...nothing. I don't feel like I've gotten an answer. And having a newborn has been really hard. There is never a time to get caught up on sleep or anything else when you have other kids (who aren't in school). For a while I felt like I had some amazing mothering skills, and I could give everyone the attention they need, and still do my calling and all my other commitments. But that was the honeymoon. And the honeymoon is over. Now I feel tired all the time, I yell at my kids because I'm tired all the time, and our schedule is way too full. I haven't been able to go to the gym much, and that makes a huge difference in my level of grouchiness. I'm in survival mode right now.

My girlfriend asked me the other day why I do it. Well, it is hard to care and love kids that aren't your own. And yet, I honestly feel like this is a calling from Heavenly Father. Not necessarily this baby in particular, but caring for kids who don't have Mom's or Dad's or even a home to live in, or who have come from abusive situations is the gospel at it's most basic. Feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, helping the sick. I really feel like their little spirits appreciate what we do for them, no matter what the outcome ends up being. The foster system isn't perfect, but these kids really are everybody's children, and if I don't care for this little guy...who will? It is so hard to say no, when we have been given so much, and these kids have nothing. Although, there have been many times I have had to say no. I just don't know if this is one of those times.

Anyway, I appreciate all your love and prayers and support. And thanks for reading my rambling! And just in case my husband reads this, I have to give him some credit because he has been amazing since we got this little guy (not that he wasn't amazing before). But he has totally stepped it up. He gets up for feedings and diaper changes, scrubs toilets, makes meals, and most importantly, he puts up with me. I love you.

And thanks to all our wonderful friends. If any of you feel any inspiration for me...lemme know!

A compliment...

I got a compliment today. It was exactly what I needed. Thank goodness for the tender mercies of the Lord. Last week we got a newborn baby boy from the hospital to foster. I was a little worried about how the kids would react to a baby, but they have been the best team since we got him. Dustin hold hims and talks about how much he loves babies. "I just loooove babies," he coos. "Boy babies, girl babies...all kinds of babies!" And Audrey is a little mommy and worries about him constantly. So far, he has been an adorable little baby, and sleeps and eats well. But he is a newborn, (10 days old today) and a newborn = no sleep. If I ever said I was exhausted before, I lied. A 3-year-old, a 2-year-old, and a newborn is a whole new level of zombie-like behavior I didn't even know I was capable of. The first weekend we had him, my best friend was in town from Phoenix for a funeral, and I got to stay up late for girls nights, go to movies, and help a little with the funeral. Thank goodness she was here, because she stayed up with me when the baby had his days and nights mixed up, and helped me with the kiddos. But, it also meant I was on the go non-stop for 4 days, and up all night. I got so tired I got myself sick. Then Audrey got sick, then the baby got sick, but thankfully, Dustin and Tim have been just fine!

This all brings me to today, and the compliment that made my day. After finding out this morning that the baby has an ear infection, I picked up Dustin from his Valentine party at pre-school and drove to Wal-mart to pick up the prescription. I was feeling inadequate, and sick, and wondering if I was going to get a shower today. And then Dustin spilled his red berry smoothie all over the back seat (I was so far into zombie mode that I didn't even care). I pulled into the parking lot and unloaded everyone and started walking to the front. Dustin took Audrey's hand to cross the road, and then grabbed onto my hand. They were chatting to me about puddles and Valentines. When we got to the front, a sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "You must be a patient and loving mother to have such good and beautiful children."
...
...

I was so shocked and grateful. Not many people compliment mothering. It's usually the opposite. Granted, she caught me at a good moment, and I definitely am not patient and loving all the time. But it restored faith in myself. I can do this. I may not be doing everything right, but at least I'm doing some things right ;) And every once in a great while...it shows.

Why...

I remember before my firstborn could speak, I had a conversation with a mom who had kids a little older than mine. It went something like this,
"I love you mommie"
"Awwww, that is so cute! Your daughter is just adorable," I cooed.
"Thanks," The other mom said.
"I'll bet it's really fun when your kid can finally talk to you. I can't wait for Dustin to stop yelling and babbling and start talking."
"Yeah, it is fun, and they do say cute things, but then you have to answer to them all the time."

She was right.

It is fun when your kids start talking, and you get to see more of their personality. BUT, then the questions start. Questions you don't even think a toddler should be capable of asking like, "How do babies get inside Mommy's tummy's? What happens when I die? Why do I have a pee-pee?" (All of which Dustin has asked me) And the mother of all questions that every mom hears at least 3 billion times a day, "WHY?"

I am accosted by why questions all day long by Dustin and Audrey. It's starting to get out of control. I try so hard to be patient and remember that they are curious and learning, but sometimes it just gets ridiculous! Sometimes I think they're saying it out of habit, and sometimes I think they say it just for the heck of it. And one answer is never enough!

"Why do we got a new couch?"
"Because the other one had rips and tears in it, and it started to stink."
"Why?"
"Because you guys jumped all over it, spilled sippy cups on it, and peed all over it."
"Oh...why? Why do we do dat?"
"Well, you two weren't very gentle with the couch, and when you were learning to use the potty you guys had accidents all over it."
"Why?"
"Why what!?!"
"Why we had axcidens all ober it?"
"Because you guys were still learning."
"Oh... ... ... wwwwwhyieeee?"
"AAAAHHHHHHHH."

It's a constant cycle. It's worse than laundry. I guess I should appreciate these days when they want to learn from me and talk to me. But some days I just have to ask the question....why????

And the Winter Blues Set in...

Man, January and February are tough months for me! Christmas is over so there's nothing to brighten up the ugly clouds and horrible darkness that starts creeping in around 4:00 in the afternoon. I'm pretty sure I have SAD or something, because if I wake up to a dark and dreary morning one more time, I might lose it! Oregon winters have always been hard for me. Anyway, the good thing about the holidays being over is that Dustin went back to preschool! He was so excited and ready for it. And so was I. Now that neither of my kids take naps, I'm finding it super difficult to find things to keep them entertained for 12 hours. Every. Single. Day. So it's even harder when I don't have something like preschool to brake up the day. But he is back, and that means my gym schedule is back on, and that is much needed after all my holiday indulging.

My kids keep on getting bigger. Dustin started Primary a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't believe it. I got all emotional leaving him in that big chair next to his teacher. It was just so weird! He's a kid now. I was so worried he would freak out without toys or snacks, but he did great! He was totally reverent is his seat and didn't complain at all. I was the one who kept asking if he was alright, and he just looked up at me like, "Okay...you can go now..." Sigh, it's be the first look of many, I'm sure.

Audrey is getting cuter and sassier by the day. She just had a big growth spurt and has outgrown everything overnight. It's amazing how that happens! One day it fits, the next, goodwill. I absolutely love the way she talks, and most the time I love that she still wants me to hold her. Her favorite things to eat are chocolate and fruit snacks. She'll eat like a bird all day long, but if she gets a hold of either of those, she'll down it in 5 seconds flat. I think she ate nothing but chocolate all holiday long. The only other person who rivals her is my Mom. They share an addiction.

Another thing that's feeding my SAD is that my BFF stay-at-home mommy friend is moving. Our kids have played together almost every single day. We both have kids 15 months apart, and we both like to get out of the house every day, so we've shared countless walks, playdates, birthdays, (her and I also happen to have the same birthday! Weird, huh!) moves, phone calls, EVERYTHING! It's going to be really hard when next week when they're gone. I'm still in the denial phase, but I'm sure it'll start to sink in soon. Anyone who wants a to have a playdate, PLEASE CALL ME!!!! Seriously.

A Very Merry and Cozy Christmas!

Before the hurricane hit our house.

Four generations in this picture.

Making Christmas tarts with Grandma.

We had such a great Christmas this year. My brother came to stay with us from Calgary, my sister and her husband came down from Washington, my Mom and Grandma Brown came from California, and my Dad came from Calgary/Florence. EVERYONE came to see us! It was so fun to have it at our house! They collectively drove almost 3000 miles just to get here, so I really appreciate all their traveling so we didn't have to take the kids anywhere. It was so good to have my family together. Even though my parents are divorced, I'm so thankful they are able to be friends and share holidays together. I hadn't seen my Grandma on my Mom's side for over 2 years, so it was so great to have her stay with us. I really love having company. Number one, it motivates me do deep cleaning I would otherwise hide under the rug, and two, everything is so much more exciting!

Christmas morning was so awesome! There were so many presents under the tree, it was by far a record in our 7 years. The highlight for Dustin was a K-nex roller coaster that the men spent nearly all Christmas day building. They moaned and groaned at the beginning, but they secretly had tons of fun building it together. Boys never grow out of toys! And Audrey got a Disney princess piano and vanity. Totally up her alley. She spent all of Christmas day brushing her hair infront of her mirror. I thought she was 2. Not 14. Anyhow, we successfully made a Christmas dinner (with a minor melt down on my part, long story short, we didn't have salad. It's amazing the things that can be stressful when cooking a formal dinner) and my mom made Christmas tarts with the kiddies for dessert. We had so many goodies and treats that it is seriously time to hit the treadmill. Thanks to all my family for coming to see us and making Christmas fun. Tyson, we have missed you, so glad you could make it!

Preschool and Christmas

Dustin had a Christmas performance tonight at his preschool. He was a mouse. And I was beaming. I don't think anyone could be prouder of felt ears and painted on whiskers. All of the kids were so adorable. I was so thankful for this moment to remember how precious and beautiful small children are. Because it is so easy to forget! It's sad that these moments are just a blink in time, and then they become family home videos and pictures that get stuffed in the photo album.

Having small children can be so difficult, but the minute your kid puts on a costume and starts singing, it's all worth it. Especially when it's about the Savior.

Halloween!

We had such a great month getting ready for Halloween! We had our ward Trunk or Treat, which was so fun! I had never been to one before, so it was hard to imagine that walking around to different trunks would be fun, but it totally was! Everyone had such fun decorations and the kids loved it! Dustin took off and went around by himself, and I'm sure he got WAY more candy than he was supposed to. Then we carved pumpkins for FHE with the Webers and they turned out great, (well, maybe I should say Tim carved pumpkins) and we also had Jenalyn and Corbin over to decorate Halloween cupcakes!
Next on the list...getting ready for Christmas!!! Woo Hoo!

In the past couple of weeks...

We DROVE all the way to St. George in ONE day, which went surprisingly well. The kids were great, and Audrey didn't have one single accident! I was so proud of her! The whole time Dustin kept asking how long this car ride would be, and he also mentioned a few thousand times that he, "really, really, wanted to get out of this car," but for the most part, everyone was happy. After we got to St. George, Audrey got her first hair cut from Aunt Jen,
which was totally cute! Dustin got his hair cut too, and Aunt Jen gave them special treats for not crying. Jen also gave me a super cute short bob that you will see in a later picture. Thanks Jen! The next few days were spent swimming, going to Jumping Jacks and putting up Halloween decorations. Grandma and Poppa had tons of fun crafts and things to do to keep our little ones busy which is so fun for them! Here they are with the pumpkins they made!
At the end of the week, my Mom came and stayed at Tim's parents house for the sole purpose of the trip which was so that I could do the...ba ba buummmmm...St. George Marathon! A marathon is 26.2 miles and I did it! I had never been a runner till I started training, so I was proud of myself for finishing. And if you're wondering how I felt, all you have to do is look at this picture 2 miles before the finish line...
Not my best, I know...really, I think the best comparison for a marathon is labor. I'll have to forget how long and hard it was before I decide to do another one! I have to give a big thank-you to my hubby who was so supportive the whole way through. Love you babe!
After a couple of days of recovery, we took off with Jake and Jen (Tim's brother and sister-in-law. They both married Jen's, isn't that funny!) down to SoCal. We played at Huntington beach, which was beautiful! The sand is so pretty, surfers were everywhere, and we took a walk down the pier and had lunch at the end.
But the day wasn't over yet! Then my mom came and watched the kids and Jake, Jen, Tim and I all went to Universal Studios to watch a taping of the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien! I was totally excited! We love Conan, he's such a goof! This is a pic walking down to the Studio.
It was so fun to see how they do things, and we got to see Edward Norton and Kristen Stewart in live person! After that, we went to the Citywalk and had dinner at the Hard Rock, and then we drove down Hollywood Boulevard and saw the red carpet and people in tuxes and realized it was a movie premiere at the Chinese Theatre! How cool are we?!? Such a great date night, and Jake and Jen were really fun to hang out with. The next day was Disneyland Dustin was tall enough to ride almost all the rides!!! Some of them he liked, and some of them he didn't. Space Mountain was a Halloween Ghost theme, and he thought the ghost was a little too scary! But he loved Splash Mountain, Soarin, Pirates, and Bumper Cars.
We thought for sure he would love Thunder Mountain, and he was soooo excited to ride it. This is him right when we got on the train.
And this is him during the ride.
He decided the dark caves were a little too scary, and the train went a little too fast! But nothing held him back, we went on ride after ride! Audrey was a little trooper, she went on everything, and wasn't scared at all! We took time to see some of the Princesses and characters, and the kids loved it! It's so fun to see your kids so excited! Audrey kept hugging them over and over, everyone in line was laughing because she was so cute with them, especially Pooh and Tigger, she probably hugged them 10 times each!
We also met up with my Mom in the evening and we went to a Trick or Treat Party at California Adventure. The kids got to dress up in their costumes and go Trick or Treating all around the park! It was awesome! The decorations were so cool, they had dance pads and DJ's, and you could dance with the characters, and the lines were short! There was a Halloween parade, and Audrey got to dance with Jesse (her favorite). This is the kids in their costumes. Audrey is Cinderella, and Dustin was a pirate. We had so much fun that night!
A good time was had by all. We just love vacation!