Tuesday, September 4, 2007

The Drama Continues...

So as an update from my second to last post, I would like you all to know that my Mom was engaged to my Dad for a week, and they were looking at property together to build a house, she told me how great she felt about the decision she made, yada yada yada, she was so happy to have the family together, yada yada yada, and then the very next weekend, she stood my Dad up for dinner and went out with the other guy that had proposed to her and spent the night at his house. She's stayed there ever since. Of course my Dad was completely heartbroken, and is sad and angry and confused. I've kinda been his support since all this happened, so he's been talking to me alot and over at my house crying all the time. Which is really hard for me because I just went through this same thing with my Mom last year. Except my Mom was the one who was heartbroken and rejected. She didn't even tell anyone that she had completely ditched my Dad and pretended like everything was totally normal the next day. I've blown up on her a couple of times, but she truly doesn't care how she is making anyone feel by her actions. Her famous line is that "it's her life, and she has to do whatever makes her happy and everyone else is going to have to deal with it." I just can't believe she's living with a guy she hardly knows, after she was just living with my Dad a few days ago. And she totally broke all of our hearts. She has been such a liar. Everything that she ever said mattered to her has turned out not to matter to her at all. It only matters when it's convenient to her. Things like her family, the church, standards, all have done a complete 180. She hasn't talked to any of the kids since she moved back in with the other guy. She even attacked me after I snatched her cell phone and threatened to call her boyfriend (stupid of me, I know, it was an empty threat, but she still went crazy and gave me a bruise across my arm!) And my biggest fear is that I am in some ways, just like my Mom. I see similarities between her selfishness and mine. I would like to think that I would never do what my Mom has done, but she has made me question myself to the point of wondering if I even deserve to be in a marriage and a family. I feel totally inadequate. My Mom was not very loving till the divorce and then she changed into this really great person. That gave me so much hope because I thought I had a chance to recover from the damage my Mom had done earlier and that meant I also had the ability to be a loving person. But my Mom never really did change. She needed my Dad because she didn't want to be alone, so she pretended to change, and she pretended to be loving to me because she needed me to support her after the divorce. But now that she's found someone else who's convenient for her, she drops all of us like hot cakes because she doesn't need us. I'm not defending my Dad, he was the one who walked out in the first place, even though my Mom begged him not to. But I understand now why my Dad didn't believe that my Mom had changed. He tried to tell me she was fake and I told him she really was trying and that he was awful for not giving her a chance and seeing someone else. Sigh, anyone who has advice for dealing with psycho parents and ways to overcome fear of becoming like them please post a comment. I'm desperate!

4 comments:

Chelsea said...

Dude! My family is nutty too. The worst part is that my mom and dad are so selfish too, and I can totally see them in myself if I am acting selfish. I hate it! But, you just have to remember that you are in control of yourself. You can be whoever you want to be. You have a great husband, and a two great kids. And, you can turn your life into whatever you want it to be. I struggle with this issue as much as you do. I have to constantly remind myself that I can't control my family. There is nothing I can really do to change things it is up to them. So, I guess you just have to let go of the things you can't change and focus on your own family and yourself because you do have some control there.

Tara said...

Chelsea's right. Just focus on yourself and your own family. You can't control the decisions that your parents make! I know it must suck though, I cant even imagine dealing with all that.

You are a great mother and a wonderful person! You may have some similarities to your Mom but it doesn't mean you will end up like that.

Hang in there girl!

Brianne said...

We all have some craziness going on, but my parents are mild in comparison. They do have issues, but I can tell you that I strive DAILY to do everything in my power to not be like my mother (she's the crazy of the two). My dad has some emotional issues from his childhood, but it's from his parents...see a pattern here. We just have to do our best and do whatever is necessary to follow the right path. And lean on Tim, he's a good man and will help you be strong.
And listen to Tara, you don't have to be just like her, you are you. You are a great mom and you can't control anyone but yourself...and your husband. :)
I have crazy siblings too, they made the wrong choice!

Ann said...

Jen,

Thanks again for saving me the other day in Eugene. I really do appreciate it so so much and I owe you big time...

I am so sad for what you have had to go through with your parents. I don't know what to say except that despite being like your mom in some ways, you are already living your life in a much different way than she did and your perspective is different than hers ever has been. You deserve every bit of the wonderful husband and sons that you have and you they will always be lucky to have you. You don't just have an amazing body. You are just amazing period. Hang in there...